The recent press conferences have reminded me how using confusing jargon has become a ‘key’ way to communicate.
Like many other citizens, I have used the latest buzzwords to ‘de-risk’ any non-compliance with the guidance from the Government regarding Coronavirus (COVID-19).
My morale has been ‘disrupted’ with the realisation I am indeed not a ‘key worker’.
It has been a ‘paradigm shift’ for me that every single trip I’ve made over the last few years, probably ever, has been ‘non-essential’.
‘Moving forward’ I have decided to use as much jargon as possible for the foreseeable future, even if I don’t have the ‘bandwidth’.
So, thinking of the ‘low hanging fruit’, I will only focus on ‘KPI’s’ that are ‘on my radar’, such as ‘deep dives’ into ‘big data‘, so the ‘ninjas’ can ‘drill down’ to the ‘bottom line’.
I’ll make sure that I’m ‘kept in the loop’ so I don’t have to ‘go back to the drawing board’, ‘if **** hits the fan’.
The ‘elephant in the room’ is that I enjoy, “seeing what comes out in the wash” when it does though, especially if we must ‘touch base’ with the ‘powers that be’ to ‘level the playing field.’
Another thing that ‘grinds my gears’ is the grossly inefficient and unnecessary formality of internal company emails.
It feels like there is an incessant need to ‘top and tail’ every single email with at least 3 long paragraphs of ‘scene setting’ before the ‘ask’, which is one sentence long.
‘Circling back’, I do have few jargon-free questions.
How will the police actually enforce:
- ‘shopping for necessities as infrequently as possible’?
- ‘one form of exercise a day, for example, a run, walk, or cycle alone or with members of your household’?
This seems like a ‘grey area’ to me.
Something tells me that this guidance will be ‘re-baselined’.